


If only drowning meant you were okay

by ILoveMisha2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Apocalypse, Dean - Freeform, Other, POV Castiel, Supernatural - Freeform, endverse!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-24 09:25:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2576429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ILoveMisha2/pseuds/ILoveMisha2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>first of this is not beta'd so sorry for that. feedback is appreciated!<br/>Castiel thinks back on things that happened before everything changed,<br/>before Sam said yes to Lucifer, and how it makes him feel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If only drowning meant you were okay

**Author's Note:**

> please let me know if my work is not worth reading or vice versa. thank you!

When the world goes down he will go down with it.

He doesn't imagine that it will be all fire and glory, instead he knows it will be broken bones, choking on blood, but most of all release of who he has become and the things he has done.

He’ll finally be free of the world that forced him to be.

He doesn't pretend the world is everything he hoped for like he used to, instead he drowns in the pain and sacrifice the world has brought to his front door.

He’s sent back to his memories, of his hunter, of his powerful wings, of the time the boy with the demon blood saved the broken world with his sacrifice.

He doesn't let himself forget, instead he opens his mind, letting the pain of all the yesterday’s seep in.

The flashes of light, the bomb of revelations, laying in destruction, his own wake.

He doesn't pretend it’s not broken any more like he did long ago when his hunter accused it to be, rolling with the murders all for one human.

The green eyes he used to know so well sparkle with hate and distrust as he turns to walk away.

He sees the silhouette of his shadow, the darkness of his voice, the blackness his touch has left behind.

He doesn't say he hates the hunter, instead he says all he never has.

He talks about the sun and how it matches the moon.

How the wind plays with his head as the rain of him drowns him just right.

He talks about how the storm is what he really loves as it continues around him on a never ending path of bravery and will.

He talks about how all of that is his hunter.

His hunter who plays winter and summer.

Who is the leaves of fall on some nights and on others he’s the puddles of December he mistakenly steps in, so cold and so bitter.

He thinks of his wings, of what he used to be.

He pretends he still has his wings that were supposed to leave peace and at one point had made him a God.

Those wings once signified his family who lost their way, who were so sure with the fact that he had fallen every way imaginable, and when he fought forty years to reach his hunter as soon as he laid a hand on him he was lost.

He knows if anything they were lost, following orders that came from self-righteous angels who would kill to hear the beating of your heart falter, and watch your eyes glaze over as you surrender yourself to a false cause you once had so much faith in.

He was never one of those and he owed his hunter for that.

He doesn't kid himself for long as reality comes back unlike the storm of his hunter.

He remembers when he broke the world on more than one occasion.

He remembers the feel of borrowed flesh and the smell of broken hearts.

He remembers those green eyes looking so betrayed.

He remembers the feel of the world beneath his feet, the lives he had control over.

He remembers the glow he used to have inside him and the pull it gave as it slowly died out.

He remembers the moment he couldn't save and cure but destroy and fall.

He remembers the exact moment he stopped caring but not before his hunter did. He doesn't pretend anymore, he knows what they all lost.

He doesn't deny that he never should have stepped on this God-for-saken earth, with the soil already so damaged, secrets already so deep.

The seams of what was were already breaking, it was only a matter of time till the seams burst wide open and Lucifer came crawling back out of the box.

When the world goes down, he’ll go down with it.

Hopefully once and for all.


End file.
